Dec

05

hump day heat: just touch me

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

Do you ever feel too tired for sex? Do you ever feel like you aren’t connecting with your partner enough to follow through on sex?

Today’s hump day heat exercise might just be the cure for you.

Don’t think there isn’t a person around that doesn’t have stress in their life. This time of year it seems like all the stress of the festivities add up on top of our normal stress, then before we know it we are too tired for sex.

Sometimes the last thing I want to hear from my partner after a long day of meeting all my responsibilities, jumping over life’s hurdles and trying to find five minutes in my day to unwind – is a request to have sex. Often even on the days when I know that sex is totally what would hit the spot, allowing me to relax, feel fulfilled and fall asleep quickly, I can’t bring myself to initiate it.

 

Instead of trying to get yourselves in the mood, of fighting your lack of energy, of continually feeling like you and yours aren’t on the same wavelength, let it all go!

Yes, the problems, the resentment, the stress, how the kids didn’t appreciate that gourmet meal you made, the fact that your dog chewed up one of your favorite stilettos, but especially let go of any expectations for sex tonight.

I want you to get naked, get in bed and just share a session of sensual touch minus sexual expectations.

Take turns giving and receiving sensual touch. Cuddle for a couple of minutes before, after changing roles and at the end of the exercise. Thirty to forty-five minutes naked together sharing the experience of giving and receiving touch might just be exactly what y’all need to relax enough to add some much needed recharged arousal in your relationship.

 Just Touch Me Sensually Minus Sexual Expectations Exercise

You’ll need:

  • an open mind
  • your partner
  • less than 45 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time
  • your favorite private cuddling spot
  • plush warm blanket or two

The Actions…

  • Decide what order you’ll give and receive in.
  • Lovers fully undress then get into your private cozy cuddling spot. Yes, your bed works great!
  • Before starting cuddle for a minute or two.
  • Receiver you only have two responsibilities during this exercise receive touch and give your love mindful feedback about what you like or dislike about how they are touching you.
  • The giver goes towards the foot of the bed to initiate the touch process.
  • Giver it is your job to start touching (not massaging) your love’s front side from toe to head.
  • Giver once you’ve gotten to your love’s head have them turn on their stomach and touch their backside from head to toe.
  • Giver continue to touch your partner until you’ve spent at least ten minutes but no more than fifteen minutes touching them.
  • After the 10-15 minutes spoon your partner for 2-5 minutes.
  • Change roles and new giver repeats the giving sequence above, ending with another 2-5 minutes of cuddling/spooning.
  • If you both become aroused enough for sex and want to follow through that’s perfectly fine but it is totally okay if you don’t want to have sex or don’t become aroused.

Now go out there beautiful ones and do your homework!

And don’t forget to share it with your friends on Facebook/Twitter because honestly, who can’t use a little more sex, love, joy in their lives?

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© Lidia-Anain December 5, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

Nov

28

hump day heat: playing games

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

Do you like to play sex games with your lover?

Are you a toy enthusiast?

Want to step out of your everyday sex routine with your lover?

Well, here is a game you can play with your lover to spice things up…

  • Go into your toy arsenal and pull out several of your favorite sex toys, massage oils, and/or other essentials that you would like to incorporate into your lovemaking.
  • Arrange the chosen items out on the bed; try your best to make the display visually appealing.
  • Ask your partner to pick one of the toys from the available selections that they want you to use on them.
  • Ask your partner to pick one of the toys from the available selections that they want to use on you.
  • Repeat the last two steps until there are no objects left.
  • Pleasure your partner with one of the items they picked to be used on them.
  • Have your partner use one of the items they picked to be used on you to pleasure you.
  • Continue taking turns pleasuring one another until you’ve used all the items selected.
  • Enjoy all the sex, love and joy that this Hump Day Heat exercise brings you and yours!

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© Lidia-Anain November 28, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

Oct

03

reader question – Have you ever considered the use of house electric current (120v) for masturbation use?

orgasm & pleasure / reader questions / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

I answer reader emails regularly but sometimes I feel that some of the questions and answers should be shared.

 

Reader Email:

Hi Lidia-Anain,

Please can you advise me. Have you ever considered the use of house electric current (120v) for masturbation use?
I have this strong urge to try it out since coming across an article recently on the internet, it even explained what items are required, ie. small pieces of sponge moistened with baby oil and attached to the ends of wires so that there is no direct contact with the inside of your vagina, the current stimulates through the small pieces of sponge. The article goes on to suggest that if you separately slip the two wires inside two stockings and insert one wire deep inside your vagina and the other just a little way in the sensations are so wonderful that within a few minutes your own juices continue to keep the pieces of sponge moist and help the current cycle going. I really want to try this out and experience this form of masturbation.
Your advice Lidia-Anain would be most welcome.
Best regards,
J

My response:

Hi J,

Thanks for contacting me with your concern. I am definitely not an expert in this realm of kink, so I can’t personally guide you through the how-tos but I can give you more information and some safe reputable resources where you can get more detailed information from.

From your email, I understood that you’re interested in finding a way to incorporate electroplay into masturbation. Erotic electrostimulation (aka electroplay or electrosex) is a human sexual practice involving the application of electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body, with particular emphasis on the genitals, using a power source (such as a TENS, EMS, Violet wand, or made-for-play units) for purposes of sexual stimulation. This is a sexual practice that is not new or rare and there are several safe ways to get pleasure from it. Because this practice does involve the use of electricity there are some known dangers of misuse (such as burns, tissue damage and possibly worse).

My concern from your email, was the thought of you creating a do-it-yourself kit (even from the most detailed instructions) to use during masturbation. Building your own kit to use during masturbation could be a dangerous practice that could possibly cost you a lot more than any of the kits currently available for sale.

Have you heard about products like Mystim’s Tension Lover Electric Stimulation Kit and their Ballzac BallDildo For Electrosex? SheVibe Pleasure Boutique and Stockroom are reputable online stores that you can discretely buy these kinds of products from and also get more information on from their sales representatives.

These products are definitely not inexpensive but when used properly are safer than DIY kits. In my opinion, it is better for you to make an investment in your pleasure by purchasing products that are known as safe and effective (when used properly)  instead of building your own.

In your email you didn’t specify where you live but there might be some people in your area that are already skilled at electrosex that you can learn more from.

  • FetLife would be a great way to meet these people and other consenting adults that also share similar sexual interests.  FetLife is not only a great way to meet others but it is also a great place for you to learn and explore kinks.
  • If you live or can easily travel to a major city, you could attend workshops and classes about electroplay. In Chicago, Sunny Megatron, teaches a class called, ZAP! Electric Play – TENS, Wands & More, in San Francisco, Mission Control, is a great place to learn more about all-things-kink, and in Los Angeles, Stockroom, is where you would find classes.

I hope that these resources help you on your way towards incorporating erotic electrostimulation into your current masturbation practice.

If you have any more questions you are welcome to write me back or you can also write (ask-us@sfsi.org) or call (415-989-7374) my friends at SFSI. San Francisco Sex Information, is the best resource that I know of that will give anyone free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex.

Wishing you the best!

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© Lidia-Anain October 3, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

May

03

“caught” in the act – a masturbation story

diary / orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

I don’t remember the exact day that I started exploring my sexuality through masturbation as a child but I do remember the first time I was “caught” in the act. This is the story of how at the age of six I learned what adults thought about masturbation. But before I tell you exactly how that happened I think I should tell you more about my masturbation history.

At the age of four or five, I had discovered that humping my teddy bears, pillows and even my fist not only made my little girl bits feel good but after doing it long enough a calm feeling of relief and peace would soothe me unlike anything else. This was an activity that I would do on rare occasions and always in private (in bed before falling asleep); this changed when I became a latchkey kid.

My parents both worked full time and although they had daycare for my baby brother they couldn’t afford to pay our neighbor that watched him to also watch me after school. At the age of five I was alone at home for several hours each afternoon with nothing but a television with very bad antenna reception to keep me entertained. I quickly found myself with a lot of time to explore my body between the time that the afternoon sitcoms went off and when my parents got back with my little brother. Masturbation became an almost everyday afternoon activity for little Lidia.

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May

02

toys for jilling off

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

Masturbation IS the foundation of human sexuality.

I didn’t make this phrase up myself but I have lived by it since as long as I can remember. This saying comes from Betty Dodson one of my heroes. Betty Dodson liberated masturbation almost forty years ago and she is still doing work to assure that masturbation is celebrated for what it is…

Masturbation IS the foundation of human sexuality!

I don’t think enough people celebrate or realize the importance of masturbation and how crucial it is for having a healthy, knowledgeable and empowered sex life. While to some National Masturbation Month might be a silly “made up” holiday for me it is an opportunity to bring attention to one of the best things we can do for ourselves as humans.

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May

01

toys for jacking off

orgasm & pleasure / sex love joy archives

It is officially National Masturbation Month!

Time to start jilling and jacking off like mad!

Yes, May is National Masturbation Month but if you didn’t know you aren’t the only one because many Americans aren’t aware about it either. If you’d like to find out about how May became National Masturbation Month there is an article here that explains how it all came about (no pun intended).

Today, I bring to you videos and more information from one of my favorite fellow sex educators, Jayme Waxman, that will help those of you with male parts improve your jacking off.

Jamye Waxman on Toys for Boys…

This weekend after I presented with two others about polyisoprene condoms, I had the pleasure of watching Jamye and another sex educator give an energizing and detailed presentation on the topic of toys for boys. Their presentation focused on the pros and cons of the Cobra Libre, the Man Eater by Big Teaze and the Screaming O Vibrating Ring.

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Feb

16

plugged into pleasure series – how i lost my partner orgasms

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

Orgasms everybody enjoys having and giving them but for many women they are difficult to come by which can be frustrating to their partners that try so very hard to please them. Orgasms were something I never had any problem attaining before becoming a mother – with any man, in almost any position, at any time I knew what to do to get my orgasm.

I was the go-to friend for tips and tricks about orgasm. The first thing that I would tell my girlfriends was that they shouldn’t blame their lovers for not having orgasms because we as women were just as responsible for our orgasms as our partners. My girlfriends would usually sigh but sit and listen to all my advice about how to achieve orgasm. My favorite line was, “If you want to orgasm you need to be in charge of the fucking!” Most of my girls were embarrassed by that line but they always came back to thank me after my tricks and tips worked for them.

In my circle I was very proud to be the sexpert! Sex was my thing and I really enjoyed it to the fullest but after having my first son having orgasms during partner sex started to become an issue for me. It wasn’t a problem but there were moments that the rush of an upcoming orgasm would disappear a lot quicker than it had taken it to start. This issue would become a full blown problem by the time my last son was a few months old. I was frustrated because sex with my partner hardly ever resulted in orgasms anymore. It became tedious, mundane, repetitive and felt more like an obligation than a pleasure.

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Jan

23

arousing actions series – movement

orgasm & pleasure / sex love joy archives

As far back as I can remember dance has been a part of my life. Movement was one of my first languages. As a young girl I spent most of my free time alone dancing in my room, with or without music my soul expressed the emotions deep in me through movement. It was when I watched a dance recital at my school that I realized how much I loved dance and a feverish desire to seriously study different forms of movement took over me. I followed that fever well into my twenties taking ballet, modern dance and lyrical dance classes; movement, no matter the form it came in, has always felt as natural to me as breathing.

Movement is essential to all living. Movement to me is as great a gift from the Celestial Planning Committee as language. Yes, it is a blessing that we get to be creatures that can contort, manipulate, and train our bodies to do amazing wonderful things; that those can be choreographed into a dance that tells a story arouses me! Speaking of arousing. You do know what they say about lovers that are good dancers, don’t you?!

Arousing Movement!

Yes, being a good lover requires being comfortable with your movements, being in control, feeling free and capable enough to move your hips, and knowing that within you lies a natural ability to have your body move precisely how you want it to! Before you connect your movements with those of your lovers it is essential that you connect with the eros of movement outside of the bedroom on your own. That you empower yourself through movement and that you tap into the sensuality of movement for yourself.

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Jan

19

g-spot or not, i have vaginal orgasms

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

There is no such thing as a g-spot, that’s what the scientists have concluded after sixty years of research, using surveys, imaging scans and biopsies of women but they won’t definitively say that a g-spot can’t ever be discovered by future scientists. There is no such thing as a g-spot but in some women that have vaginal orgasms they found that the tissue in the area where the g-spot was thought to be is thicker as opposed to the women that aren’t vaginally orgasmic. Knowing everything that I do about the wonderful always giving clitoris I don’t doubt that what the scientists are now surmising is correct…

the G-spot is really just the extension of the clitoris

Just like a man’s penis has another inch or sometimes two buried in his pelvis that we can’t see they think that female clitoris might extend into the vaginal wall for some women. I’m so tempted to go off topic here to tell about the magical things you can do to that root of the penis but I will save that for another day. ::pushes dirty thoughts out mind::

Scientists have been coming and going (no pun intended) about whether the g-spot exists or not, whether the clitoris has a purpose or not, and about whether orgasm matters for women or not for a very many many years. While scientists continue to “research” we women have to remember that it wasn’t too long ago that “scientists” considered women with high libidos hysterics and women that couldn’t orgasm as frigid. So, what do I think of this research?

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Jan

03

lessons learned from great sex books

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

Before I start consuming new books in 2012, I wanted to make sure that I shared with you three very important lessons that I learned from three great books I read in 2011.

Lesson #1: It is never too late to get what you really really want from sex or life!

Learned it while reading: What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety by Jaclyn Friedman

That subtitle perfectly describes exactly what this book is all about. Had this book been in my hands in 1994, the year in which I began to define my sexuality and what I wanted from sex, I am sure that it would not have taken me eighteen years of trial and error to get to the confident pleasurable place where I am now!

When I started reading this book, I was once again struggling with the terms of my relationship, my sexual desires and my career goals. It hurts when you aren’t sure what you really really want because you’re worrying about what others expect, want for you or will say about you! I think that it might hurt a little more when you know what you really really want for yourself but can’t verbalize it because of fear. I knew what I wanted before picking up this book but I still worried about *them* then early in this book I read….

“Don’t let the fear of “getting a reputation” of any kind hold you back from exploring your sexuality on your own terms, even if that means you’re not ready to explore it yet.”

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Nov

21

comfort in sexual self-exploration

love & relationships / orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

Push. Push. Push your limits. That’s what many that are writing about sexuality these days are saying. Transcend your sexual limitations! Really? What if you yet aren’t even comfortable with your sexuality. Shouldn’t the first goal of sexual self-exploration be figuring out how to navigate our sexuality? Shouldn’t we figure out our limits, our levels of comfort and define some goals before we do anything else? I am all for transcending limits but it is time we focus on our sexual truths before we get fancy with sexual exploring.

Me as a case study.

I absolutely made peace with my body. I often feel more comfortable naked than I do dressed. In certain outfits I might feel self-conscious in a room full of people. Naked in the center of a sex party that’s my environment! Just because I feel comfortable naked in a room full of people doesn’t mean that as someone that writes about sex I should stress to my readers that they should push their limits until they too feel comfortable socializing among other naked people at an orgy.

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Nov

14

giving him the foreplay he needs

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

For me not getting enough good sex is a deal breaker for a relationship, but I’ve never been quick to quit an otherwise healthy romance without trying to fix the problems in the bedroom. I know that at times women are a bit harsh and might even expect too much from men sexually.

The usual narrative for heterosexual sex is that the men are supposed to take the lead in the bedroom while women are supposed to sit back and enjoy the man’s performance. The alternative narrative among the more liberated is that women also can initiate sex but usually men are still expected to do much of the work after she’s expressed interest in having sex.

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