cultivating my sensual dominance

“You top from the bottom.”

“You always fight me until you are in charge when we have sex.”

“You can’t let go of control.”

“You’re always in performance mode.”

“You never ask for what you want.”

“You love to tease with pleasure.”

These are the things that different lovers have said to me in the past. These are some of the things my partner used to say to me. He stopped saying them because sex changed for us as our relationship grew. When those changed we had to learn how to make sex between two tops work. We struggled for a very long time with this power dynamic; for so long that we almost walked away from it all because the good sex we had wasn’t enough anymore. It wasn’t enough in quantity and level of personal satisfaction. That struggle to reset the power in our bedroom almost killed a part of me that I had never known was essential to my personality. But as things are with me, reading led me to answers that required more personal work.

I had to face all the things that I loved about sex with others that my spouse no longer provided… I enjoy topping from the bottom, I love to be in charge of sex at most times, I give and take power during sex, I am an erotic performer, I get what I need by pleasing others and the best part of getting it is teasing the orgasms out of my lovers. I am a sensual dominant and a high femme. I know there is so much more to my sexuality that is begging to be developed, to run free and to dive deep into a world of pleasure, power and all the things that are the sexual act.

You see it is very much an act, no matter if BDSM is or isn’t our thing, when we fuck we are very much in the midst of a performance that is about pleasure and power. This act begins even before we get naked and is alive and well in all that we do with our lovers outside of the bedroom. Just ask that wife whose partner doesn’t help with housework about when and where foreplay begins. And sensual power is present in all that we do even if we aren’t having sexual intercourse.

In my bedroom with my spouse the roles are set and for now there is no changing them. Somehow I created my own monster through years of asking him to be more dominant, telling him to take charge and pushing him towards topping me. He is the most dominant top in our relationship and I am a top that chooses to be his and only his submissive. We like how things are now. The quantity and level of personal satisfaction when we have sex is perfect for us again. I truly love that my monster is the only one I can trust to top me. I love that there is no one in this world that I dream of bottoming for, yet, here I am wanting to top again and desiring experiences that he in no way can provide me.

And not only do I want to top, I want to fully develop my dominance and explore it fully with others. And I want to do this all while being a girly girl in the highest stilettos. I want to be a service-oriented sensual high femme dominant, that does it from the bottom at times and at other times with force from the top with my equally service-oriented bottom at my feet. These are the things I think I want but I will truly find out how to cultivate my sensual dominance later this month from Midori.

For many months, Midori was someone that I admired from a far. Her ForteFemme Weekend Intensive begged me to register for it. I would read the description of the program and I would try to figure out how to bring up the topic to my spouse. How would I tell someone that had made a joint decision with me to never be my bottom again that I wanted to top, that this desire had to be fulfilled and that more importantly I wanted to chase it all the way down the rabbit hole?! Late May of this year, I started to tell him about the next intensive that would be in July; he seemed to be fine with the idea of me going but then I backed out of registering for the intensive. I was scared of what would happen if I did go down the rabbit hole?!

I didn’t have a bottom to do the lab with on the last day of the intensive. Being provided one scared the hell out of me. Even though, I had convinced myself that I had a connection with Midori I didn’t really know her. At all. Whatsoever. It seemed almost crazy to make the financial investment in cultivating my sensual dominance. I put it out of my mind completely. Not because I wasn’t sure about the experience but because everything my intuition told me about this experience felt too strong. It was definitely fear that stopped me from doing the ForteFemme Weekend Intensive in July…fear of it not living up to what I had built it up to be in my head and fear of being disappointed by a person whose work I had read and loved.

It had happened before to me. I had gone into the sex positive community to meet and attend an invent held by one of the pioneers of the movement and I had come out of it completely deflated and almost hating myself for wanting to see in my hero the things I wanted to be true for myself.

Then I met Midori in person. The Universe placed us together at the right time, right place and under the right circumstances. In person she is more than I ever imagined. In person she makes me lust to tap into my very own sensual dominant power more than anyone else I know. There is something about Midori’s eloquent manner of leading and deliberate way of teaching that I cannot put into words but know that it resonates with me and that I can learn from. After several real-life interactions with her, I knew that she would be the first teacher, probably in a line of several, that would help me become that sensual service-oriented high femme I dream of.

And after reading about Vanessa Pinto’s ForteFemme experience and hearing her talk about it in person I couldn’t wait any longer. In San Francisco, October 12-14, I will be one of Midori’s students in her ForteFemme Weekend Intensive. There are two spots still left in it and I would absolutely LOVE to learn alongside you. If you are like me and wondering how you can balance being soft yet powerful, sensual yet dominant all while still being feminine ForteFemme is for you. Let’s cultivate our sensual dominant power together!

I know that this weekend will improve my sex life and I cannot wait to tell you about this experience after completing it.

© Lidia-Anain October 1, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.