Lidia-Anain

Nov

14

How I have better orgasms – a masturbation before sex story

Submitted by: Connie Wells is an thirty something author helping to promote a healthy sex life through her own personal experiences.

When I was in my early 20′s, hormones were raging and I was developing strong attractions for good looking men. I also thought it was due time to plunge out of virginity-land into the world of a full fledged sexual woman (I watched way to much Sex and the City!) After 10 years of watching music videos and Hollywood romance movies depicting how great sex is, I had very high expectations for my first encounter. I choose my first mate and enjoyed what was to be the greatest most memorable moment of my life.. or maybe not.

We had a few glasses of wine but I was far from drunk. His penis inserting felt nice, there was no hymen to break, I have reached third base before and had some finger play with a guy before I was ready to loose my virginity. (this experience was relatively enjoyable however my boyfriend was too young and had no idea what to do when faced with a vagina…)

Thrusting a few times, some kisses and caressing of the head… I’m waiting for something big to happen… It feels nice but nothing to write home about. And then it’s all over. He finished his business and I’m left with my thighs still heated and wanting more. The whole point of sex is to share a close bond but in my opinion it felt like I was doing him a service by laying there like a rag doll. What happened to this amazing feeling, sex is the source of lyrics for most songs on the billboard charts and this is what it is REALLY like?

A case like mine is certainly not a rarity. A search on any online forum and sex column will always suggest sex toys. I was very open to this idea, however I referred sex toys for “solo pleasure time” and never really considered it as part of sexual intercourse. Needing to make the next experience better, I went for it and started my collection for “interactive experimentation” in the bedroom.

Fast forward several years and I am finally living my sexual prime. I have a whole drawer full of sex toys now and can easily be considered an “expert” in the field. Now it’s my turn to inspire twenty somethings on my personal favorite sex tip: Have an orgasm before sex.

Taking any sex toy you like most, bring it into the bedroom with you. Get him to use it on you if you’re feeling extra playful (although for purpose of effectiveness, it works better of you handle the device yourself as you know exactly how hard and fast your body needs to respond with a powerful orgasm.)

My personal favorite is the tiny bullet vibrator. Use this on the clitoris, leave the vagina untouched for now. This will create natural lubrication and get your inner tissue swelled – a natural response that your body has to let you know you’re primed for intercourse. This feels good, it’s about the anticipation of what’s to come. Have a clitoral orgasm with your bullet and once you’ve completed the climax – time to let him into your moist, wet love cave. The feeling is so overwhelming, you’re muscles literally grasp his erection and hug it like a best friend she hasn’t seen in years.

It seems so simple, but having an orgasm before sex is one of the most powerful ways to increase your pleasure. Give it a try!

Oct

03

reader question – Have you ever considered the use of house electric current (120v) for masturbation use?

I answer reader emails regularly but sometimes I feel that some of the questions and answers should be shared.

Reader Email:

Hi Lidia-Anain,

Please can you advise me. Have you ever considered the use of house electric current (120v) for masturbation use?
I have this strong urge to try it out since coming across an article recently on the internet, it even explained what items are required, ie. small pieces of sponge moistened with baby oil and attached to the ends of wires so that there is no direct contact with the inside of your vagina, the current stimulates through the small pieces of sponge. The article goes on to suggest that if you separately slip the two wires inside two stockings and insert one wire deep inside your vagina and the other just a little way in the sensations are so wonderful that within a few minutes your own juices continue to keep the pieces of sponge moist and help the current cycle going. I really want to try this out and experience this form of masturbation.
Your advice Lidia-Anain would be most welcome.
Best regards,
J

My response:

Hi J,

Thanks for contacting me with your concern. I am definitely not an expert in this realm of kink, so I can’t personally guide you through the how-tos but I can give you more information and some safe reputable resources where you can get more detailed information from.

From your email, I understood that you’re interested in finding a way to incorporate electroplay into masturbation. Erotic electrostimulation (aka electroplay or electrosex) is a human sexual practice involving the application of electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body, with particular emphasis on the genitals, using a power source (such as a TENS, EMS, Violet wand, or made-for-play units) for purposes of sexual stimulation. This is a sexual practice that is not new or rare and there are several safe ways to get pleasure from it. Because this practice does involve the use of electricity there are some known dangers of misuse (such as burns, tissue damage and possibly worse).

My concern from your email, was the thought of you creating a do-it-yourself kit (even from the most detailed instructions) to use during masturbation. Building your own kit to use during masturbation could be a dangerous practice that could possibly cost you a lot more than any of the kits currently available for sale.

Have you heard about products like Mystim’s Tension Lover Electric Stimulation Kit and their Ballzac BallDildo For Electrosex? SheVibe Pleasure Boutique and Stockroom are reputable online stores that you can discretely buy these kinds of products from and also get more information on from their sales representatives.

These products are definitely not inexpensive but when used properly are safer than DIY kits. In my opinion, it is better for you to make an investment in your pleasure by purchasing products that are known as safe and effective (when used properly) instead of building your own.

In your email you didn’t specify where you live but there might be some people in your area that are already skilled at electrosex that you can learn more from.

FetLife would be a great way to meet these people and other consenting adults that also share similar sexual interests. FetLife is not only a great way to meet others but it is also a great place for you to learn and explore kinks.
If you live or can easily travel to a major city, you could attend workshops and classes about electroplay. In Chicago, Sunny Megatron, teaches a class called, ZAP! Electric Play – TENS, Wands & More, in San Francisco, Mission Control, is a great place to learn more about all-things-kink, and in Los Angeles, Stockroom, is where you would find classes.

I hope that these resources help you on your way towards incorporating erotic electrostimulation into your current masturbation practice.

If you have any more questions you are welcome to write me back or you can also write (ask-us@sfsi.org) or call (415-989-7374) my friends at SFSI. San Francisco Sex Information, is the best resource that I know of that will give anyone free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex.

Wishing you the best!

Lidia-Anain signature

May

31

masturbating – a masturbation story

naked candor / sex love joy archives

Submitted by: “Pyerse”

A wise man once told me that there are two kinds of men: those that masturbate and those that lie about it. I, sir, am no liar.

However, it took years for me to be comfortable with the activity because I still had a lot of Christian philosophy that I believed that said such activities were sinful. To be honest I never found evidence of this in the Bible. Even if I did, there is very little solution for stopping myself from standing at attention, which leads to me doing so regardless of personal embarrassment.

May

28

masturbation for two please? – a masturbation story

naked candor / sex love joy archives

Jason and I knew one another since my freshman year at Ohio State. We met at orientation, I was the freshman and he was a well-known student walking across the hall as I waited to meet with my counselor. I was home schooled for the last two years of high school so I was extremely awkward when it came to the opposite sex yet my confidence was through the roof with women. I sat on the bench and watched him pass by several times before he finally sat down next to me and asked me why I looked away every time he looked at me “No offense, but your eyes are too damn big to go unnoticed Ms. Bronzed”. That was when our four-year friendship began.

Although we did everything together we never sexually crossed paths. Somewhere between 18 and 20 he became similar to a family friend, we did laundry together hell, he would even pick up my tampons. Looking back I realize how content I was with that. I had interest in the beginning but after witnessing how fast he went through women, I loved the respect he had for me.

My junior year approached and I return to campus to find out that not only is Jason involved but he is actually in love. Our connection changed, we never hung out anymore, calls went unanswered so I took the one thing I learned from him and used it FOR him. I forgot he existed. That is until spring semester.

May

24

in flagrante delicto – a masturbation story

naked candor / sex love joy archives

I’ve been trying to remember when I discovered masturbation but I can’t pinpoint a beginning. My first memory seems to be around the age of 8. I actually didn’t touch myself much preferring my pillow instead. Rolling over and rubbing myself against the pillow produced a minimal but somewhat satisfactory orgasm. I didn’t know it was an orgasm, though. All I knew is that it felt really good. I also knew I had to keep it secret. Especially from my super Christian sexually repressed parents. It’s because of them that this story gets more complicated.

I grew up Catholic but around 4th grade my Mother discovered a new Catholic Church that was more evangelical. Suddenly we were going to prayer meetings, bible studies, revivals and retreats. They already had outdated mid 1950’s attitudes towards relationships and sex but the new religion made them even more conservative. My parents NEVER talked about sex. Not while I was starting to explore my prepubescent body, not when I matured at the early age of 10 nor even as an inexperienced 17 year old leaving for college. I learned everything about menstruation and puberty from my friend next door and 5th grade sex ed class. I learned about sex from my sister’s magazines and books I discovered in her closet.

May

21

how i learned – a masturbation story

naked candor / sex love joy archives

I learned about masturbation from The Hite Report, a comprehensive and radical undertaking about women’s sexuality by a female sex educator and feminist, condensed and published in paperback.

It lived on the family bookshelf in our hippy loft along with other contemporary titles of the times such as– the illustrated Joy of Sex and the Playboy interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono, an issue my parents were sure to buy. Just as they bought the Madonna Playboy and Penthouse issues (you know the one–where she has black hair all over: head, armpits, pubes) for me that is how sex positive my parents were.

I knew my family was different but I didn’t realize, just how– in regards to sexuality, different they were. In reality much of the world was not informed about what was inside the Hite Report. Information as to how women orgasmed or what their sexual experience was like. Up until that point, it was just one of a few times that female sexuality had been discussed in such a open and frank way.

May

14

child’s play the secret game – a masturbation story

naked candor / sex love joy archives

I always remember the first time I saw a boy touch a girl sexually. At the time I didn’t know it was sexual but for some reason I knew we had to keep it a secret.

I was 6 and in the 1st grade. We were at recess one fall afternoon. We were 2 boys and 3 girls. We all walked over to a tree on the far side of the playground. I knew that the girl with the skirt had mentioned a hole in her stalkings. So in a moment’s time she was squatting over as if she was going to pee. One of the boys went over to her and under her skirt; he slid his hand and touched her for a moment, then she let the other boy do the same. I didn’t understand what they were feeling for but I felt it. It was that same feeling I could identify today when I am turned on; a small pulsating feeling in my private area. It happened rather quickly and then the bell rang so we all ran to line up. When we got inside we planned to go into the coat room last. The blond boy told us to wait. Then he said “touch it”. As I looked down I saw a bulge coming from the crotch of his pants. And as the other girls just slightly touched it, I did the same. It was my first experience ever touching any part of a boy’s body like that. And I knew that I wasn’t supposed to but it was a very interesting discovery.

I thought about that moment a lot. We never did it again and we never talked about it either. A few months later, I moved and started a new school. I soon forgot the day and what had happened until one day in the second grade I saw something a little more intriguing. I sat in the very last seat in the second row from the windows. My new best friend sat right next to me. When on most days we would just do our work and whisper to each other, this time, she was quiet. But when I looked over I saw her doing something that I thought was weird.

May

10

the journey of self-love – a masturbation story

naked candor / sex love joy archives

I’ve always masturbated A LOT. I was about 5 years old when I started. I knew touching myself “down there” felt really good. I also knew it wasn’t proper to bust out my stuff in the middle of the living room on a Sunday afternoon. In order to remain ladylike, I’d always wait until after I went to bed to secretly explore.

When I was a kid I didn’t know what an orgasm was or how to have one so my personal sessions had no end point. I masturbated incessantly for extraordinarily long periods of time. With no final goal how does one determine when to stop? I can’t count the number of times I fell asleep with my hand down my pants and a goofy smile on my face.

For the next 7 years I persistently humped every couch cushion I could get my hands on. I learned Barbie feet made good clit ticklers and Ban Roll-On antiperspirant bottles were perfectly dildo sized. I was the reigning thumb wrestling champion at my elementary school because I had far stronger hand muscles than any other kid in town.

Fast forward to 1983, I was 12. One day my mother hands me a strange looking contraption with a long electric cord. It’s a nail buffing kit her friend bought, never used and passed on to her. Since my mother rarely did her nails she thought I might like it instead. After all, I was getting to the age when personal grooming was supposed to become an integral part of my delicate, feminine existence.

I lifted one eyebrow, smirked and thought to myself “nail buffing kit, huh? HA! I’m taking this thing straight to my room and fucking it!”

May

07

sharing MY time – a masturbation story

naked candor / sex love joy archives

Submitted by: “Lola”

I’ve masturbated with the intention of self-pleasure since age 9. It began with careful and thorough study of textbooks and encyclopedia entries on the human reproductive systems. I took my mother’s hand-held mirror so I could admire the handiwork below. Clitoris, labia minora, labia majora, vulva, vagina… beautiful like the petal folds of Georgia O’Keefe’s (my favorite artist at the time- I then moved on to Frida Kahlo) deep violet lilies. At first, it was furtive, but I learned the art of silence.

In spite of my conservative, Evangelical upbringing, I was not ashamed of the time I set aside for myself. Even the learned shame of modesty that came with early-onset puberty didn’t affect my ability to come with the flick of a finger. When my back should have bowed or slouched under the gendered pressures of “respectability” and modesty, it was upright. In fact, I would stand naked in the mirror, mentally complimenting my burgeoning body from my 34C-and-growing breasts to my spreading hips. I would always start by tracing my features on my corporeal terrain, downward, downward to the soft wetness that always weakened my strong thighs and knees. And I would stare myself in the eyes, daring myself to shut them as I approached the brink. I rarely did close my eyes. That’s how I recognized the contraction of my pupils when my clitoris finally became too sensitive to touch.

May

03

“caught” in the act – a masturbation story

diary / orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

I don’t remember the exact day that I started exploring my sexuality through masturbation as a child but I do remember the first time I was “caught” in the act. This is the story of how at the age of six I learned what adults thought about masturbation. But before I tell you exactly how that happened I think I should tell you more about my masturbation history.

At the age of four or five, I had discovered that humping my teddy bears, pillows and even my fist not only made my little girl bits feel good but after doing it long enough a calm feeling of relief and peace would soothe me unlike anything else. This was an activity that I would do on rare occasions and always in private (in bed before falling asleep); this changed when I became a latchkey kid.

My parents both worked full time and although they had daycare for my baby brother they couldn’t afford to pay our neighbor that watched him to also watch me after school. At the age of five I was alone at home for several hours each afternoon with nothing but a television with very bad antenna reception to keep me entertained. I quickly found myself with a lot of time to explore my body between the time that the afternoon sitcoms went off and when my parents got back with my little brother. Masturbation became an almost everyday afternoon activity for little Lidia.

May

02

toys for jilling off

orgasm & pleasure / sex & sexuality / sex love joy archives

Masturbation IS the foundation of human sexuality.

I didn’t make this phrase up myself but I have lived by it since as long as I can remember. This saying comes from Betty Dodson one of my heroes. Betty Dodson liberated masturbation almost forty years ago and she is still doing work to assure that masturbation is celebrated for what it is…

Masturbation IS the foundation of human sexuality!

I don’t think enough people celebrate or realize the importance of masturbation and how crucial it is for having a healthy, knowledgeable and empowered sex life. While to some National Masturbation Month might be a silly “made up” holiday for me it is an opportunity to bring attention to one of the best things we can do for ourselves as humans.

May

01

toys for jacking off

orgasm & pleasure / sex love joy archives

It is officially National Masturbation Month!

Time to start jilling and jacking off like mad!

Yes, May is National Masturbation Month but if you didn’t know you aren’t the only one because many Americans aren’t aware about it either. If you’d like to find out about how May became National Masturbation Month there is an article here that explains how it all came about (no pun intended).

Today, I bring to you videos and more information from one of my favorite fellow sex educators, Jayme Waxman, that will help those of you with male parts improve your jacking off.

Jamye Waxman on Toys for Boys…

This weekend after I presented with two others about polyisoprene condoms, I had the pleasure of watching Jamye and another sex educator give an energizing and detailed presentation on the topic of toys for boys. Their presentation focused on the pros and cons of the Cobra Libre, the Man Eater by Big Teaze and the Screaming O Vibrating Ring.

14

03

I answer reader emails regularly but sometimes I feel that some of the questions and answers should be shared.

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